forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
