my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
