what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
