you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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