Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
