The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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