Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize