you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
