guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
PANTIES FOUND
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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