just come out here and I will go home with you...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize