im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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