I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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