How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
