he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
