I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
