I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
