Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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