you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
