Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
