my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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