I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
