just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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