yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They have beer where we have blood.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
