how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
