I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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