just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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