1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
