i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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