Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
