So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
