whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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