He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
