If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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