I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
