i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
