My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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