operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize