She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
