All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize