Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
