I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
