Where did you get a picture of my penis
smell my finger.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
