Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
