Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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