it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
