I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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