Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
