do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
