He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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