I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
