I think my fart just growled at me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dicks are not precious.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up under a house in Key West
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