Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
