OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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