Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
