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Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Houston, we have a squirter
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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