Is it normal to miss your booty call?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
