I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
