You just made me feel so damn special
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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