Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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