I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
