Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
