I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
