we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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