im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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