I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
