we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
